someone get that fucking seahorse.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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