That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
