i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
