He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
