At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
