i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
