He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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