I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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