Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
