If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
