Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
