i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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