I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
