I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
