Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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