I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
