I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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