i already hear my dad disowning me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
