any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
