His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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