So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
