i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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