He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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