Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
