Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
