dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
