when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
