There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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