Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
