This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
even my farts smell like vagina
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
