well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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