ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Drunk is a universal language darling
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