after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
