You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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