Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
