She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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