do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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