dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
