Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
