he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
