It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
