It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
