there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
