I feel like I'm in dance class right now
youre lurking in front of me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
