the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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