guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
