It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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