You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
