Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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