you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
