he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
