The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't turn off my feet"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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